NSFW!


Shall we plan the perfect couples getaway? Let’s give you some ideas on how to put the fire back into your love-life. We spoke to D’Vine, an exotic dancer at one of Lagos’ premier Gentlemen’s club and Bisola of Anike’s Closet.

At the Very Beginning

Let’s start! Firstly, cancel your plans for 2 days. Stylishly ask hubby what his plans are, so you can schedule around it. Work day? Even better!

Tools and Supplies…

Grab some lingerie, sensual oils and fishnet stockings. Or DIY some with some sheer fabric like chiffon, a thong and a yard of feathers. Use the sheer fabric to sew a poncho (just a neck hole, no arms) and sew your feathers onto the thong. Voila, sexy outfit! Bisola swears by waist chains and ankle chains, a lot of men love it. D’Vine says that she rubs oil on her breasts, wears a very long chunky chain (almost to her belly button) and when she sways and dances in front of a man, his eyes are glued to her breasts.

Sexy outfits
Lingerie, fishnet stockings, sheer fabric, nipple clamps, oh my!
Be a Tease

Send him pictures of naughty quotes, preferably during the afternoon when he’s less busy at work. Emoji that message, gurl! One of D’Vine’s clients got her hubby so “hot”, he couldn’t get up from his desk. Indwelling mentally on sex, you too also get turned on.

Naughty thots to spice things up
Copyright: Pinterest
Location, location, location

As a parent, it can be really hard to get uninterrupted time. So why not try a hotel or guesthouse? Book a room and ask him to meet you there as a surprise. Grab some good wine or a bottle of champagne. Add some ice-cream and fresh fruit. If you must stay at home, drop the kids off at a relative’s house.

Strike A Pose!

We all have jiggly bits, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Dressing and posing creatively will do wonders. Lying down on your side makes your tummy look better. If taking selfies, shoot from above wearing a bra (your boobs will look nicer). Bum shots, angle one leg forward to exaggerate the butt.

Clean it up

Shaving down there can be tricky so who better to give us tips than D’Vine? She recommends the technique some American dancers taught her: exfoliate beforehand, then rub baby oil all over. Shave with a Men’s razor (they’re sharper and better suited for sensitive skin) and use a Men’s shaving gel. Pat the area dry with Witch Hazel afterward (to prevent razor bumps). A smooth heiny! Also encourage your man to shave and shower down there, nothing is a bigger turn-off than going down and munching on hair.

Creative Technique!

D’Vine and Bisola agree everything you learned in Porn is usually wrong. To be a proper “Headmistress”, never use your teeth, always use plenty of saliva and keep handwork to a minimum. D’Vine refers to the “Cardi B” look (mouth open wide, tongue pushed out as much as possible over the lower lip) whilst licking at his balls. Bisola says you should slurp on his privates, going up and down.

Licking
Can you stick your tongue out? Open your mouth well and push out that tongue!

What about you? Ladies, put his head down there! Coach him, tell your man to suck on it like he’s licking thick Coldstone ice-cream. Be vocal, lots of “oohhh, more, yessss” and gasps, so he knows he’s doing well. Lift your ladybits more into his mouth and roll your hips slightly, helping him to reach more areas. Ladies, don’t be shy to feed him your snack. Let him finger the entire area very well.

Rub some sensual massage oils on your boobs, cup them in each hand and feed him your nipples.

How many positions?

Keep it simple. Stop changing positions doing coitus, it ain’t a t.v. stop flipping stations! Our best positions are Missionary, Doggy and Cowgirl. D’Vine says there’s nothing as hot as having your man lying down and you ontop of him in doggy style, facing and away from him and riding. He gets to watch you slide up and down his rod, you can get off and do a little sexy shimmy then continue riding him. Talk dirty (D’Vine says “see how I make your dick wet” when she’s making a man watch her ride him). Missionary is great, slide his arms under your butt so he can lift you and thrust in deeper. Also propping your butt on pillows helps. Doggy is amazing, as you can finger yourself between your legs as he’s thrusting.

How long should it last

Biko, from first thrust to last gasp should be no more than 10minutes. Even doctors agree, so stop trying to last for 7 hours, which kain hard work be dat?

Any last words of advice?

Yes: relax, don’t overthink it. Turn off your phone, enjoy it and laugh.

And finally,

Nigerian meme
Lmao!

 

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